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Anxious yet happy…

Dear Diary,

Here,  frying bacon in the worst mood I’ve been in since the last worst mood I’ve been in; this day seems to continue to get worse as the bacon fat keeps snapping me in the face. I wanna scream, swear and throw something I’m that frustrated. it’s these that really test my patience and want to give up. Who cares, so much. But I do, that’s me. Bad luck seems to find its way up my driveway on a regular basis, doesn’t matter where I live there where I’ve been, doesn’t matter how good I follow the good word or how destructive I could really be, which I’m not because I know my own strengths  and weaknesses.

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This morning getting ready I decided to put the diamond earrings in that I had found during our move to this home a few years back ; earrings my husband bought me years ago, as one slipped out of my fingers it will flew across  the room and down the drain of our master bathroom vanity sink. “Are you fucking serious “ I said out loud! As I looked with one eye and hopes it would miraculously jump out at me it didn’t. It started my morning off on the wrong foot. Knowing I’m going away in the morning I really needed to focus on getting things done around here since it was a long weekend and all I assumed things to be open for me to get my shopping done today which is Monday. July 2nd. Procrastination is a thief of time, Contemplating on Saturday about going into town and having my running around done, cross some errands off the list. Of course plans had changed due to the kids plans and of course July 1st Celebrations , making it to town wasn’tsuccessful  leaving everything to the last minute. Taking on the assumption everything was open , never assume anything!!! working as a fulltime normal person who commutes everyday and seems to do it all is bullshit. There is no way, someone can do all of everything and be totallly great at it all. Getting everything done, house clean as a whistle, laundry isn’t pulling up,  boy did I ever have a surprise waiting for me.

Nothing was open in the city, not even Walmart.  Were they open yesterday, it didn’t matter I was panicking.  I’ve always been really good, but the stress of having to leave the farm no matter for how long is stressful to me. So many details that need to be taken care of, from the chickens to the rabbit, and now knowing because we couldn’t get chlorine for the pool we will have is that pool full of algae when we come back. More work, work that could have been avoided. Clearly my time management skills have gone to the dogs, the key is aware of this again as I realize I have something to work on. Wanting to blog, work, be a mom, wife and successful career Lady is clearly not working. I need to figure this out, and fast.

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You have to learn what’s important and had to be OK with what you have no control over. Leaving me wondering if I always bite off more than I can chew. Coming back to town I was happy as I didn’t have to spend a fortune on groceries, and our last minute necessities before we take a road trip across Ontario to my hometown where since 1996 I’ve tried to avoid; after a visit in October of 2017, during my taking care of mental health time, after injury after injury leaving me helpless on my feet. I went back to face some music, music in the pages here.

Looking out the window, I should be excited packing and prepping for a long overdue visit with so many people I care deeply about. Basking in the sun, on a deserted island after fishing while I all day watching the sunset on rainy lake is no short of amazing and it’s around the corner, The clouds are dark as I said to my husband and it looks like we may get a storm. Before I can blink it was raining and pouring, blowing witch way. As my move was increasing after a stressful morning I came to learn my satellite radio was messed up covered, soaked by the rain. Earlier looking at it, knowing we were going to be gone to town for long and there was no rain in the forecast I should be safe. Something about me, as if it’s going to happen to someone forces find its self hovering over my head. It gets exhausting, as if life is a constant struggle no matter what you do or how you do it. I have come to learn the storm will pass as it always does, fearing that meant something to me is gone, and now I have to find a way to make some extra money to buy myself another radio that I love listening to. I’m enjoying some good weed right now, in hopes I can get out of this terrible mood and enjoy my vacation as I rightfully deserve without the bad luck and shitty miss fortune. Because my brother and Rainy Lake awaits….

sunset hands love woman

Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

Categories: Uncategorized

Welcome To My Story

Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
A Craft Edible Experience

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