I’m sorry it’s been this long since I’ve done a journal entry. Working crazy the last few weeks, Has me exhausted and emotional. But I’ve come to learn about myself is I lack the ability to let go of what they don’t have control over. I eventually let go but I struggle for the first week or two as I try and understand dynamics of life and what’s meant to be will be.
My emotions overflowed yesterday resulting in a very honest emotional speech of who I was and what I struggle with at times. Showing myself it’s rawest form, Of tears of sorrow,frustration and anxiety, As I have the ability to be honest sometimes so brutally it makes people step back. In my honesty I make sure I don’t disrespect anybody, there’s usually when I open my mouth it’s to make a difference. Later second-guessing my actions, but I feel better after talking about a few things that have bothered me, taking care of humans is a devotion of great love, sacrifice and joy. On the flipside, I could fill your heart with pain, grief and hurt because I’m only one person trying to make a difference, but my love and positive nature is catching on.
Living with depression is no cure, coping mechanisms to make it better. If you’re having one of those days, surround yourself with what’s important and what makes you happy. So I bought myself some new shampoo that smelt amazing, You know when you walk into an expensive salon when you smell the $30 bottle of shampoo when you walk away because he can’t afford it. Like who spent $30 on shampoo anyway? But I found a bottle of L’Oreal shampoo that smells exactly like an expensive bottle of luxury scalp soap to take me to a sensual place.
I also bought myself some fresh juicy strawberries that I could spread some Nutella on, When I got home I frantically dug through my walk in closet looking for my most thinnest beat up pair of pyjamas I own. The same pajamas, that I bought when I was 250 pounds, that silky material on your skin. The material everyone loves to touch and cuddle in.
I enjoyed comfort food of quesadillas, chicken fingers and pasta before smoking some Cannabis outside with the birds, bees and butterflies. I bought myself some magazines to read, as I’m getting into more decorating and changing up the style of my home. Awakening my senses in the last year and a half has shifted gears, and my creative ability to make my home more comfortable in living space and less clutter.
My eyes are puffy looking in the mirror as a brush my teeth before bed and sometimes I wonder how I make it through these days. Sometimes I forget the team of people who are in my corner, Those who see me at work, those who see me in the community, those who know what my purposes is in life. Those dark days in life are a reminder of how good our life really is, but it’s also a reminder to not allow your issues problems or emotions to build up to the point where you become overwhelmed and stressed.
There’s nothing wrong with showing emotion, it’s just getting yourself back up dusting yourself off and caring on is what life is about. I’ve come to learn I will not win all the games I try to play in life, I also learned some hard lessons during the journey and the roads I decided to embark down. I often forget of those people who are waiting patiently, to purchase something that I’ve created. I don’t know what the future will hold but I have a feeling it’s going to be bright and sticky. Learning patience, hasn’t been my best quality, but I’m learning slowly!
After a good nights sleep waking up, I decided to go to the store before work and buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers for a woman I need to say goodbye to you, people come into our lives for a reason, not realizing the impact they have had on me. I decided to take it one step farther to show others the meaning of “true love, empathy and compassion “ with what I have to offer. Seeing the tears of appreciation made my sadness disappear and took their pain away temporarily and instilled faith in humanity.
That is what I do, when I’m low. It’s my way of coping, my way of giving. I can’t change, My promise to myself, my promise to my mom that I will do my part in this world to make it brighter.
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Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
A Craft Edible Experience