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Chapter 26th: Diana

Walking around the streets of Toronto in the middle of the night, had the adrenaline flowing through my body as the heartbeat increased the further I got away from the hostel. This was new to me, alone in a major city. I have a bunkbed, but it was in the room with eight other bunkbeds, suitcases and duffle bags and smelly shoes. Which Imagine have walked many miles to reach the same destination to rest and recover before a new journey in the morning.

The hostel was steps away from the Much Music video booth, where people would pay to air their message. I stopped on the corner, and looked around and smiled as if I felt the only person in the world. I looked in my pockets for change, having no money on me wasn’t anything new. I didn’t have any extra to spend anyway. Dangerously scary at 17, alone downtown in the streets of Toronto. as well as a decent looking young lady, and oblivious to the true danger around me. Half the time anyone could be a target for any sexual predator out there. That is real and it happens.  Thank God that didn’t happen to me, as it happens way too many times to too many innocent young women. Before embarking on to the streets of Toronto using to my witty humor, sweet gestures and bizarre story of Me To entice a man to accompany me for safety. Chatting in the “common room” prior. Chit chatting as we weaved through sky scrappers and parks, getting some fresh air, smoking a cigarette tired me enough to get some shut eye safely. Every time I went to close my eyes the worry  if someone would steal my bag and I wouldn’t make it back home set in. Keeping me from a proper rest. The anxieties were normal it seemed, already suffered enough trauma, yeah I already know around the corner it seems there’s something waiting for me. That feeling never leaves your side completely. I looked down and noticed a hemp shop flyer which I thought was the coolest thing ever, as a cannabis user at that time. It was a free souvenir to take home, never realizing one day would be part of a survival book called Undiagnosed.

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I didn’t have a cell phone back then, so I picked up the flyer. Having no communication with the outside world except for a payphone or a calling card. None of my friends would  be up in the middle of the night to talk to me anyway, making the best of any situation encountered with, making friends along the way. That was something I was good at, part of my own survival techniques. Compassion, empathy, and awareness or three qualities that are on the top of my personality list.

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I hugged, thanking the gentleman who took me out that night before the train left to go back to Winnipeg,Manitoba. It is there and my sister will pick me up at the train station, and it would be where I laid my eyes on the woman who just looked like my mom and I. Diana was beautiful, striking black hair I believe she got from her father whom I don’t know. Her strong cheekbones and big beautiful eyes, short stature, qualities strong in baranownski genetics. We are at each other up as if we were comparing each other in a negative way. Yet it was a way to take in a moment, a moment some people will never understand. My mom gave birth to a baby girl long before my dad, my brother or myself. Instead of having an abortion she kept life, she knew she couldn’t provide a life for her that she deserved, forced to hand her over to a deserving family. Being robbed of years of her growing up watching her thrive and becoming the wonderful woman she was, had my mom sad and depressed. When she finally had found Diana she was elated with a new fresh chapter of life and optimism, coming to learn it wasn’t that easy building a life with someone you gave up years and years ago. So much left unsaid, questions that been buried in regards to thinking there will never be an answer to those questions. That’s a hard pill to swallow for inquisitive minds. I was in awe of her, i knew I would love her dearly.

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Elated with excitement we giggled, reminiscing about who we are,  how we grew up As well as all the fun experiences in between.  I was sad and to feel robbed of a possible childhood with the sister I always wanted. When we were told the news we were too young to understand. Resulting in the information being stored away in the corner, forgetting it existed until you’re old enough to understand. Resurfacing In a new chapter, of possibilities.

We have decided to order pizza and go to the bar that night, your roommate asked me” What do you like on your pizza?! “ that’s a common question so I replied “ anything but onions” The two burst out into laughing, as that is what Diana would  reply. As we enjoyed some cheesy, spicy meaty pizza,   And a glass of wine or two before we embark down to one of the pubs they frequently visited. Walking out of the bathroom Diana’s face nearly fell to the floor, as we looked at each other without the plan of what we were going to be wearing for the night we were dressed almost identically. A v neck dressed up tight white T-shirt, a pair of tight black jeans , Complemented by a black and silver leather belt, ironically we had the same ladies fashion belt on. Her best friend was in awe about.

Feeling pretty good, buzzed on beer the three of us took off to the pub, We sat down at the oval shape bar and placed our order. I wasn’t of age yet, still two years away from the legal drinking age in Ontario I passed the age test, looking older than I was and with ladies a decade older and wiser, didn’t give me away. 

The bartender coming over frequently to say Hello and refill our cocktails made me feel like a adult. My sister took my hand and we went outside to the parking lot, her friends joined us enjoying a little cannabis before the night was over. Still couldn’t believe sitting there looking at my sister, I had only known her for less than 24 hours and I felt I had known her all my life. As if no time gap was spread between us, as if the universe put everything in place like nothing was missing. The bartender asked us if we were twins,I know Diana was smitten by that complement. As I think she was just as excited to learn she had a blood sister as well, sharing in the same genetics and personality type. Life proved it was as mysterious as it comes. As if I was in a blur, happening so fast the weekend was over.

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The trip to Sarnia wasn’t as I hoped leaving me breathless with asthma due to pollution of the industry there. It was back to the college drawing board, other options. Not realizing I needed to make a decision and quick, My options were becoming slimmer as Two of my acceptance letters were denied due to my marks. Only allowing to apply at five colleges, give me a one in five chance of having a school except me into their Law and Security Program. My hopes to tackle criminal activity and entertain inmates for a living. Watching shows like Unsolved Mysteries and Americans Most Wanted was arousing to me. It brought a different dark sense of a world most don’t understand, but I did. I myself stole a car, did all kinds of weird drugs and kept afloat   With an undying will to survive.

By the age of 17, I knew homelessness, drug abuse, hunger, criminal activity, sexual activity and off course being a foster kid. There is no fairytale yet for me. A tear went down my face as the Greyhound pulled into Fort Frances town of 9000. The rap sheet seemed horrendous, alone, ashamed and now labeled at “a going Know where kinda kid, the tear went down my face. Hitting me like a tidal wave out of nowhere I was strengthened with the will to try to change. Be the change, help the needy. You can do anything you want to Mitzi I said to myself as I go myself home from a long solo train tour of a thousand miles.

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I come home to a new sense of meaning, it can change at any given time. That was the thing about my personality I could go from sadness to euphoria so quickly it was hard to understand hormones, genetics and the BIG plan. The master plan of unravelling Chapters of my journey. Being ready for it when it happened, I mastered hiding my feelings.

 

 

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Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
A Craft Edible Experience

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