I woke up and I can hear the shower going, there’s a weird smell in the apartment. I’m thousands of miles away in Peterborough Ontario, arriving here yesterday afternoon. Staying at Stenson Boulevard very short term as a hometown girlfriends, long distance boyfriend at the time was going to lend me a portion of his room until I can figure my shit out. Being from a small town, everybody seem to know everybody as we all went to the same high school. I wasn’t shy by all means, able to meet new people Thanks to our extroverted personality. Having a couple months to find a place, meet some people and get a job At the time seemed easy,It wasn’t easy, sometimes going with out because he had to. I rolled over, and I’m sleeping next to another man. “Did we do it last night as I looked at him?” Wiping the sleep from my eyes. No we never had sex, he said. I’m your friend and I care about you. He was actually a true gentleman, friend and never attempted any of it. There were nights where I was horny as hell and I wanted him to touch me: happy he didn’t I’d never acted on my impulse. She was my friend, but the thought still went through my head after night of dancing and drinking. Missing my old boyfriend temporarily, Longing for the opposite sex to fall to my knees finding me so irresistible, brings my veins to vibrate with exhilaration. The kind of love we humans dream of. The story of Cinderella, was one of my favourites as a young girl. I felt as though I was the outcast, looking for the missing glass slipper I lost somewhere on the mothership .
Always finding a way to buy booze and get into the bar funny enough. I really don’t remember going through a time where I would steal to buy cigarettes or boots again. That’s where you learn about priorities. Where you have a small budget to work with and you need still need to survive. The big opportunity to prove myself I wasn’t going to be easy. The adrenaline of a new city, lights and entertainment was awakening. I was excited to see were my future was going. I was dazed, as we were driving back on Highway 115 there is a major crash and we pulled over, as we got out to the guard rail I have witnessed a mangled car, and there are three lifeless bodies I can see young men fighting for their last breath as other people had a ride before us who had started CPR. I still remember standing there looking at this gentleman and praying that he would make it and almost in slow motion I can see the man turn his head and say no in his own body language. Covering up his body I turned to my friend Lenny and said can you please we need to go. As we have a heard the ambulance siren coming up the highway, help is on the way. I drink 28 beer that night, and got so hammered to take the thoughts away of why those boys had to die. And the thought of the boat boys are box mangled from the trunk, brought back memories of Barry’s death months prior. For some reason I felt his presence on the highway, and I was sad. Alcohol was the thing to do, and I did. I can remember them chuckling about the girl from up north, who could out drink anybody in that apartment that night.
Rough around the edges, and oblivious to behavior. I got up and rubbed my head, Having a pet rat, I fell in love with that stupid thing. It would sleep with me. A lover of animals, I would hurt anything that didn’t hurt me. Animals benefit from him in touch, it’s amazing what love can do. The thought of the accident I can’t get out of my head head that day. Wondering whatever became of them. Frantically listening to the radio news every morning in hopes to get a glimpse of hope for the young man in the ditch. I was angry at the fact that they might’ve been drinking and driving, something that killed Barry, a month earlier. I hadn’t dealt with the emotion, yet I learn the lesson of not to drink and drive. Gary’s death will be a constant reminder of losing someone to young, all you had to do was come back to my place but I didn’t want to party that night.
It wouldn’t be long and summer was over, and the empty Stinson Boulevard apartment. I was heading home for a friends wedding after being here for only a few months, I would ask Torquil , the big question while I was down there. “ Was there a future for us? Because if there was I was going to stay back. If he said “No, There is no future for us as man and wife I will go back to Peterborough, and I will carry-on with the next man that swept me off my feet. It would be a quiet 4 1/2 hour drive to Thunderbay, and a carload of his friends. Before my flight went out I would partake in a Steve Earle concert, and the song someday, tattooed my life. I was getting out of there, making a life for myself even if I only had a cardboard box filled with goodies awaiting me. The strong emotion, of the end was confusing. As I’m at church so early in life, I needed more than what most men were giving. Nothing wrong with being an independent woman on a mission.
I felt extremely sexy that night, sparkling glitter gold sequin dress. I couldn’t afford the dress, but I applied for a student credit card and I got a $500 limit, the dress was about $300 at the mall and I needed to have it as it was my last attempt to show him I was his showstopper. Dancing the night away I missed my friends, and the bride was beautiful. We grew up near each other. 219 Elizabeth Street West was my Home Base until 9 years of age. She was up the road, around the corner. Nice family, a wonderful childhood friend. Even when the roads went different ways we still stay connected in one way or another at least until that time. It was one of the best nights I’ve ever had, being hit by others felt amazing. Maybe the city was looking good on me, or was I just put on the show? I’ve always been one to find different things to buy and where, maybe it’s just say hey here I am! Look at me, I’m worthy, I can be great. I held onto that dress when my husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. Holding onto it was just creating the constant memory of our last night together.
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Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
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