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Chapter 30: Almost Homeless

The apartments empty, walking around, the posters, furniture and cupboards are empty. Frozen struggling to picture my life, where it’s going to go on my own. I’m all alone here, the place is quiet. Thinking to myself,  I need to find a job. Where? I’m hungry, the sounds of my growling belly something was needed quick. Opening the fridge nervously, there’s very little in the fridge for me to eat. A few condiments, fake cheese and olives remained. Some dry macaroni in the cupboard was all I could find so I ate it. Walking over to the convience store to see what I can find somewhat healthy and filling was the last thing I could do before I quietly call a friend to update my living status.

Jumping in the shower, allowing the hot water to beat off my forehead relieved the tension I was feeling. Drying off I put on my last clean pair of pj’s. After my return back from the wedding, the boys thought it would be fun to release the pet “rat” which I came to love. Having a good cry, feeling overwhelmed with the lack of success and happiness in my life. Lighting  a cigarette,  weeping through old photo albums… of past memories.  Going through my large box of personal belongings, my ghetto blaster I was so proud of buying years earlier. Looking for anything I could pawn of, just so I could eat and purchase necessities. Growing up sucks so far, I thought. This was extremely embarrassing; Leaving the store with my head hung low, I almost felt as though I was walking in my mother‘s footsteps but at such a younger age. Things weren’t turning out the way they were supposed to do or how I thought they should turn out, According to “normal” in our society. How was I to get the resume made, and learn how to survive in the crazy city I wasn’t ready yet. I was so ashamed of myself, thinking I could do this. The children’s aid Society had recently dropped off the one box they had sent FedEx to the apartment. I was stranded with no where to get around, where was I going to go. Reality a kicked in and I was going to be homeless, I tried to get into the dorm at Sir Sanford Fleming College but I was denied as I had no money, proper credit, a credit card or any money to my name. I was Broke!

full frame shot of eye

Photo by Vladislav Reshetnyak on


As I wander the streets downtown I entered into a building that helped me get a resume together, and help me figure out had apply for some jobs and try make some money to survive. My job search took me to the mall, as I have customer service experience and my outgoing bubbly personality had the shoppers enjoying my company.

After handing out over 50 resumes a day I went back to an empty apartment, walking over to the convenient store I’ve had picked up the local paper and hopes I can find a place to rent or move into. There’s very few people I have met already, but their intentions weren’t to help me. And I was OK with that, I was just a visitor coming to broaden my horizons for a better future than what a one horse town can give. 

There is an ad in the paper for rooming houses for about $290 a month, that would leave me with $213 to spend a month which would be about $50 a week. At the moment I had no other option, I walked down to the corner store, Around the corner from the apartment and put $.25 cents in the pay phone. A man had answered, “Hello”, he said sounding nice and gentleman like. Going on to tell him about my situation and I was alone in the city, it was a gamble being 18 years old and vulnerable.  Pretty  much telling him what I needed to in hopes that he would help me out, as he was my last opportunity before I had to call back to the CAS and say come and get me. It’s ocer before it started. Sending me back to a town, that not only I was running away from, the pain of what exists that is hard to watch and accept. A childhood gone wrong, parents with little interest and a witness to the darkest corners on earth. Where despair, loneliness, hate and sadness breeds. Where addictions manifest into scary bedtimes stories, where mental illness can start.

adult alone black and white dark

Photo by Kat Jayne on

 As I loaded my box in the white van we head downtown, I was sitting there twiddling my thumbs and hopes, that I stayed safe. I did not know this man in the way he was dressed, the dirt under his fingernails and the brown of his teeth made the mind wander to where he was taking me. It was a part of the city I haven’t been before we pulled into a low rental housing complex, “ is this the place?” I asked. No it is not this is my home, why don’t you come in for a minute. That uncomfortable easy feeling went through me like it does when I know somethings wrong. I swallowed and looked around the housing complex. I paused for a minute I know I shouldn’t be entering a strange man’s place, especially after only one phone conversation. There is a possibility that the ad was false, and maybe it was an opportunity for someone to do something they shouldn’t be doing. It happens so much in this world. Putting myself in somewhat dangerous situations is not uncommon for me, not knowing any different. Believing humans wouldn’t be capable of such horrendous acts of abuse, terrifying uncomfortableness was not ok. Experience such a Trumatic event back at the tragically hip concert a year prior, I haven’t let my guard down.

I was uncomfortable in the house, Waiting at the front door my breeding got deeper as I was concerned. Not a soul knew where I was, or had any way of getting a hold of me. I could’ve been raped and murdered in a townhouse by a complete stranger no one would ever known. I can feel the vibration starting, as he started to talk about how he lived alone and he was looking for a roommate. He went on to say he would give me a good deal if I kept the place clean, as it was quite dirty and filthy. I told him we would talk on the wayTo the housing unit, he was responsible for taking care of.

I kindly said to the man I was happy, trying to find my own little place where I didn’t have anyone I had to answer to. Or I could come and go, and find my way around. Rent, seem to be very expensive in the city.


Pulling up to Dublin Arms, reaked Of dirty socks, stale beer and cigarette smoke. the  uneasy feeling of what I was about to see had my heart beating a little faster. Warning me that they are cleaning it up, getting more responsible tentents such as myself he said. He was nice to say he was protecting me from the lower level, none of the rooms have personal bathrooms or cupboards. 

There is a very musty dirty smell in the air and I’ve never smelled anything before like it, there’s no ventilation worthy of proper air quality. He showed me one little room, it had its own toilet, lacking a shower or kitchen, I was about to live in shared communal housing at its worst. It was the cheapest place I can find, that would allow me to still eat, then purchase a few necessities along the way. I didn’t have much, and I was OK with that. I felt bad for all the others around me living in the environments they were living in. Often standing on the back porch of a staircase, having a cigarette watching people drink Listerine and mouthwash just to catch a buzz.   It was hard to understand how people get to the point in their lives, I was a witness to it first hand living amongst ourselves and a rooming house. I would change my door, and do everything I could to make sure I was safe inside. Therapy nighthawks he would roam the streets at night going through trash cans returning in the morning, with their ripped plastic bags of tattered thrown away food and possessions. I would lay on my air mattress, I picked up from the local zellers store, listen to the radio and try to call in it I could to win prizes. School was a couple weeks away, I have nothing to put together to prepare myself for the journey. I didn’t have the tools necessary to succeed, yet.


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Welcome To My Story

Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
A Craft Edible Experience

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