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Dear Diary: Life’ Could Be Worse…

Dear diary,

It’s getting cold, and the leaves are almost off the trees, snow in the forecast. With the crows of the roosters getting louder it seems through the echoing of the landscape. often finding myself struggling this time of year emotionally  but it isn’t so bad. That’s win!


The kids have adjusted to school, and they’re pitching in around the house, another win for the team. I have a feeling this is going to start a whole new chapter of lessons, high school in the horizon. This chapter is scary as I remember my struggles starting high school. These children have it great! they do get reminded kindly about the, lessons learnt as I’ve experienced during a hormonal out of control teenanger. They say, pay back is a bitch. Believing, as my daughter is very much like myself. All the great qualities, with the bad. And all I can do, is be the best parent and lead by example. The moment I see trouble arise, I will be on it like flies on shit.If you can relate to that you know exactly what I mean.

I’m sure in my younger years I gave my parents when they were together a run for their money, but I don’t remember the small amount of time I had a family, The memories I do have a unpleasant, I don’t remember being held by either of my parents, I don’t remember much love from either of them. And as I put together a book I have to relive that, and it’s extremely hard. I wasn’t prepared for the emotional journey I was about to embark on by opening up my life to the world. As if, in a flurry of activity anyone and everyone, we’re not prepared to how I would react. Most people would’ve thought because I’ve given them 234 or 10 chances to prove to themselves that they can treat me is I treat them before I have to remove myself from their life. That’s what people don’t understand about their own behavior, usually there’s a pattern. For one individual, it was years of unmet promises and expectations. The person can only show that love him I meant on for so long until the true colours shine. Last year after saying goodbye to my father in April it had been almost 4 years since he had seen his grandchildren, in the last visit wasn’t also very pleasant. In those details or in the book. Putting together the mystery puzzle of panic. Instinct says something is wrong usually it is, and get yourself out of Dodge before you get into trouble. That model has not steered this lady wrong to date. 


We’re moving into a one year celebration of Lady Edible : Lately, dealing with a chronic foot condition and nerve pain has taken up most of my energy. People don’t realize when your life is being held by a string and you’re not sure exactly where it may go especially when it’s not going up. I said to my husband the other day life is not just about getting by, It’s about being more than getting by, it’s about being able to thrive,make a difference and give back! Being a prisoner in my own body is frustrating at times, cut me some slack. We laugh. I have not thrived for so long, if feels as though I’m being carried, as last night I found my moms place I can read it. Life isn’t perfect, and I’ve come to learn the true meaning of living, and it was because a year agoI was brave enough to open up my world to all of you. I did not realize the impact it would have on so many people to be honest, my brother asked me “you didn’t!?” I actually laughed and said Mike, no I didn’t. I didn’t even think anyone was going to listen, I really didn’t think anybody would care. I was so wrong.

The last few weeks have been tough for me, as I play hard game of chess. I am winning. Yet trust me You need to be strategic and more of an advanced player. I’m thankful for my recreation and leisure diploma, my personal support worker certification as well as my other credentials, at 16 years plus work experience I’m not afraid of work. Knowing where my passion lies is such a impulsive strike of what do I do. Do both!? Leave one!? 

The reality of the whole situation is I need to figure out my foot before I make any decisions because that is the ultimate deciding factor on my abilities, and how I need to adjust my lifestyle, to a foot issue. I’ve come to learn nobody truly can understand what your going through unless you have or are in the same predicament? Right? Chronic pain has been part of my life for over a year, and I have my good days and bad days. Learning on my good days I have my limits but you enjoyed those days as they may be few and far between looking forward to more them brings me hope. And on my bad days there’s always something to remind me it could be worse. Last week I was at the bank transferring money from one account to the other … I like to call it the “mortgage account” My income covers our mortgage, my husband’s truck payment and now the utility vehicle for the farm. The reality is is if I can’t provide the same amount of income that I’m used to working and my foot is not causing me problems, that means I need to tap into other resources and try and find another way.

I was just depositing some money at the ATM machine at the CIBC, and there was a man who just walked in and he was being waited on by the teller beside me. The black privacy screen mast the identity of the individuals and as I went “my banking business I overheard the conversation. The man at the bank wanted to transfer some money from his savings account (LOC) to his mortgage account to cover the payment of $1423.As  the bank teller told him there wasn’t any money in the savings account, he paused, the sounds of this man’s heart beat was heard across the room. As he said” I don’t understand?! there should be 13,000 dollars in there. ? No?” I can almost hear the man’s embarrassment in his shaky voice and sadness to learn he only had five dollars left in that line of credit account. He didn’t have the money to pay for his monthly mortgage payment. I almost wanted to go give him the money from my envelope, crazy like that. Being there depositing for my mortgage, during struggling times. As I continue to push the buttons of the machine I was deafened by my own adrenaline, I have felt his pain before. Many times having to rob Peter to pay Paul, I took a deep breath as I inserted my money to pay my own mortgage payment. Feeling emotions of empathy, troubled if I was selfish for doing so? As the man Said to the teller, “ok, I have to come back” I turned to look over it to see his face, I felt his sadness and loneliness. I felt the pain of not having the money to pay for my own living arrangements. Heck my mom couldn’t do it leaving her on the streets, eating garbage and bumming for money over the Canadian provinces .. I will never forget that day leaving the bank. I couldn’t help, again I felt helpless as he drove away. My mood has shifted, realizing life could be worse.I really hope he found money to pay for his payment when prayers are spoken tonight


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Welcome To My Story

Cannabis Enthusiast : Craft Edible Creator : Recreation and Leisure Professional : Blogger
A Craft Edible Experience

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